Great Movie Reviews



Rattlers, cobras and pythons...oh my!

STARRING: Samuel L. Jackson, Nathan Phillips, Rachel Blanchard, Julianna Margulies, Todd Louiso and lots on various snakes
DIRECTED BY: David R. Ellis
WRITTEN BY: Sebastian Gutierrez, David Dalessandro, John Heffernan
PRODUCED BY: Don Granger, Penney Finkleman Cox
DISTRIBUTED BY: New Line Cinema, Alliance Atlantis
RATING USA... Rated R for language, a scene of sexuality and drug use, and intense sequences of terror and violence.
RATING CANADA... Rated 14A for language, a scene of sexuality and drug use and intense terror and violence.

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Coke a Cola Classic

"It's gonna be a lovely day."
Now here is a film that hit cult film status before it was even released. Was it the doing of the producers, the actors, the distributors? Nope, it was the internet. Kind of shows you the power of the electronic highway doesn't it? It has a certain amount of power. It can break a film before it is released or it can hype it to such an extreme that people anxiously await it's coming as if it was the film world's equivalent of the second coming.

"You think you can manage with one hand?"
"Oh, baby, you'd be amazed at what I can do with one hand."
The hype on this new film, SNAKES ON A PLANE is right on. The film is pure summer fun entertainment. Is it absurd? Possibly, but let's face it, the idea in this film scares the primal pants off of us. Who isn't terrified of just the thought of this scenario every occuring on the closed confines of an airplane? Unless you have gonads made of steel or you are just plain insane this scenario terrifies, pure and simple.

"I'm not worried about you if you testify. I worry about you if you don't."
Yes some of the scenes are over the top, I will grant you that, but still, it leaves you freaked out while you let go of some uncomfortable laughs. Hey snakes have no sense of decorum as to where they will bite. The washroom scene where a male passenger goes to do a little manly tinkle is a case in point. Yup, you got it. While he does his thing a snake springs out from the toilet and latches on to the guys manhood. It's funny yes, but , let's see how many guys are really doing the nervous laughter thing.

"Oh boy, it's going to be a fun flight."
The film is filled with these type of terrifying but humourous moments. The sequencee where a snake crawls up the skirt of a sleeping women is another one of these scenes. It's funny to watch her squirm in senual ecstasy but the outcome will not make you laugh, well maybe. A mile high scene has a snake attach itself to a women's nipple; now that might make you laugh, except when you see the outcome, after all these snakes are all poisonous. The only exception is the very large python of course. This 'little' beastie doesn't poison you, it just wraps it's gigantic dislocating jaws around your head and proceeds to slowly suck you into it's mawl. Yummy. Over the top and bordering on silly especially putting a python into the mix but it makes for totally silly fun in a sick way.

"Do as I say and you live."

The basic plot centers around Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips), who has accidently witnessed the brutal murder of an assistant district attorney on vacation in Hawaii. The killer, Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson) is a notorious criminal from the Los Angeles area in the United States. Sean escapes with his life but now they want him dead so he can't testify. Neville Flynn, played with great enthusiasim by Samuel L. Jackson, is the FBI agent who has to get him to the U.S.A. to testify. The FBI tries to trick any would be killers by faking the plane they are to take but Kim's people find out which plane really will be using and have inside men load special containers on board the plane. The containers are filled with lei flowers treated with a special hormone that is vented into the planes cabins. This is meant to drive the snakes crazy which of course explains why the snakes attack so viciously. You see folks poisonous snakes do not go out of their way to attack people if they can help it. They usually only bite when you touch them or scare them. You see most people don't realize that the poison that snakes put into you is actually digestive juices and they need the stuff to eat. Okay enough science lesson. The snakes containers are triggered by a timer that lets them lose. Kim's thinking here is if they can't get to Sean then they will have to somehow cause the plane to crash into the ocean. They almost succeed. The only stretch here of course is that by today's security standards, the chances of this situation even coming close to happening would be virtually nil. Heck by today's standards even the gel hand sanitizer that actor Flex Alexander uses as Rap Star Three G's, to clean his hands, when on the plane, would get him arrested for smuggling a controlled substance on board.

"All praise the playstation."

So there is your scenario. The rest is all sex, action, screaming, swearing, squishing, spitting, biting, swallowing and guys flying a 747 because they have experience flying in a video flight simulator. Hey when you got nothing else you got nothing left to lose. All this does make for some great excitement in this summertime fun movie that is sure to end up in mine and your video collection.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this...but does anyone know how to fly a plane."
I do have to compliment the writes and directors on coming up with a rather dangerous but ingenious way to remove all the snakes off the plane. It is good. The director and his writers have to be complimented on giving us what we most fear nowadays, flying because of Muslim terrorists and of course snakes. Now, if they could have found a way to incorporate sharks into the mix they would have hit the Triactor (Trifecta to you Americans out there). Director David R. Ellis has given us a good mixture of the absurd with good old craven mixtures of fear mongering to create this entertaining 'B' flick that at one time would have been delegated to the the drive-in circuit by producers like Roger Corman. Ellis mixes in the real snakes with plenty of exaggerated computer graphic snake creations to put the fear back into you. When you see it a second time or buy the DVD take the time to really look at some of the cool looking exotic snakes they used. Simple rattlers and cobras would never have been enough. I should have mentioned that it was pointed out for the purposes of the story that the majority of the snakes were all imported exotic snakes from around the world. This was done to make it more difficult to cure the snake bites and to give the off plane cast something to do. The producers also made it clear that poisonous snakes do not exist in the wilds of Hawaii.

"If you die, all this was for nothing."
SNAKES ON A PLANE delivers everything that the audience expects in my humble opinion. I went to see snakes killing people on a plane and I got snakes killing people on a plane. I wanted some laughs and I got some laughs. So the film delivers what the audience was expecting and I am sure that on the opening weekend it will hit the number one spot on the movie going charts. It's a can't miss movie. I wonder if it has the ability to become another ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW because there are lots of places where the audience can interact. "Hey Eddie, did you bring the baseball bat?" "Strike One, strike two, strike three, you're out" "Throw the dog, throw the dog." Come on Jackson say it!!!" "Hey what's that crawling up you dress lady?"...okay you get the point.

"Snakes don't attack unless they are provoked."
So there it is if you want to see a film with dirt biking in Hawaii, heads being smacked in with baseball bats, kick boxing, mile high sex scenes, lots of screaming people and Samuel L. Jackson swearing then this is the perfect summer time popcorn movie to see. Now need I warn you that if you suffer from Ophidiophobia (fear of snakes) then stay away from this film 'cause it ain't gonna help your condition none. So in parting I say just sit back, enjoy the ride and watch out when you reach into that bucket of puffed out white chewy material that you don't pull out a long slithering thing that bites back. Enjoy and I leave you with... ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!

" I want a list of every snake on this plane."

Vincent Marchesano also known as Vince enjoys watching all types of films and enjoys reviewing them. At an early age he became enamoured with motion pictures especially horror films, fantasy films and science fiction films. His tastes quickly were amended to include all other film genre, from westerns to romances and epic films from all over the world. His taste in films became wide and eclectic as was his taste in music. He loved to watch Movie Classics, Feature Films, American Movie Classics, monster movies, Canadian Movie Classics, Classic Movies, War Films, American Movies of all types, Canadian Movies, Adventure movies, action movies, featuring especially John Wayne. His interest in Classic Films began with the Marx Brothers films and with the 1920's Lon Chaney version of Phantom of the Opera Movies. He soon began reading about Film Stars and Directors in American Films and Italian films which gave him a great appreciation for Orson Welles and Fredrico Fellini, THe advent of video tapes brought him a whole new appreciation for, American Movies, Classic Cinema, American Cinema, Films, Hollywood, Movies, Classic Hollywood, Film Reviews, Black and White Movies, Silent Films, Silent movies,Actress, Actors, Westerns, Horror, Hollywood Drama, science Fiction, Drama, Comedy, Sex, terror, Adventure, Monster movies, Thrillers, thrill, Hollywood Stars, , Motion Picture, Show, horror movies, Talking Pictures, Hollywood Documentary and War Movies. Moving Picture viewings were no longer limited to Silver Screens of repetoire Movie Theaters where he was introduced to Technicolor Films, action films, suspense, suspense movies as 35mm features. At these cheap theatres that dotted the landscape 35mm, 35mm movies and 16mm movies became his inspiration which helped his story telling when drawing his super hero comic strips as well. The new digital age brought in dvds,digital movies,videos, tapes which he could watch in the comfort of his home. His interest in films at one point brought him into the theatrical exhibition field where he ran several discount houses as well as art theaters and drive-in movie theaters. He quickly realized that he was not happy with how most reviewers reviewed films he was showing. This lead him in the idea of writing more industry friendly Movie reviews. His movie review were reviewed within their own categories. Gone were reviews where Godzilla would be compared to some Fellini film. He believed that horror movies should be compared to other horror and fantasy films. Romance movies should be compared to other films of that genre. Vince very rarely disliked any film except for his great disdain for Existenz and Scenes From A Marriage. He can watch King Kong, The Great Escape, Bringing up Baby, Marx Brothers and Killer Klowns From Outer Sapce over and over. He likes to enjoy many classics such as Citizen Kane and Wizard of Oz but he has a soft spot for cartoons which he can watch over and over especially Betty Boop and Popeye along with all the warner Brother characters. He know continues to review films at a slower pace due to lack of time but he promises to do more. So many films to watch, so little time, but where there is a will there is a way.